Rabbit reviews
Warning: This post contains adult material, because I am reviewing vibrators.
As you may know, the "rabbit" style vibrator is a very popular one. In addition to the obligatory vibrating shaft, rabbit vibrators also have a separately-powered attachment on the shaft that looks like two rabbit ears. This is used, obviously, for external stimulation (ahem).
For no apparent reason that I can think of, many of them also have these rotating beads about halfway up the shaft. This gives you the option of feeling as though you have inserted an electric mixer into your innards which you can run at different speeds, creating the illusion of having a wildly upset, er, stomach. No, thanks.
Anyway, my very first vibrator was the Techno Rabbit, of Sex and the City fame (Samantha's favorite, and for good reason). It was satisfactory in every way. The controls were at the base of the shaft, and you could increase speeds gradually through a wide range of speeds.
The Techno Rabbit was an $80 birthday present to myself. Although I thought we would grow old together, it was stolen after we had been together barely a year, under circumstances which I will not go into at this time. (Sob) I have been trying to find a replacement ever since.
My next vibrator was the Jack Rabbit, which was vastly inferior to the Techno Rabbit. Same basic setup, except that the controls were separate from the actual vibrator, so you had to handle two separate things at once, taxing the co-ordination. Eventually, some of the connecting wires developed a highly inconvenient short in them, and had to be held just so.
Unfortunately, the resident sex toy shop in Tulsa is rather limited and does not carry the Techno Rabbit. Instead, I now have the Rampant Rabbit, which is again vastly inferior to the Techno Rabbit. The controls are in the base; however, even though the packaging promises a variety of different speeds, it has two: high and low. Basically, this leads to extreme discomfort. You can't shift from low to high in one step, or you end up hurting yourself. Trust me. I leave it to your imagination. So I now have a vibrating companion reminiscent of a clumsy, inept, adolescent boyfriend. Clearly, this is no good. I'll keep trying to reach a compromise of some sort with the Rampant Rabbit, but I have the feeling that I will eventually have to track down my first love, the Techno Rabbit.
Unfortunately, you can't return these things.
Note to vibrator salespersons: You really need to be enthusiastic and informed about your product, people. I got the Techno Rabbit on the salesperson's recommendation, and he earned my steadfast devotion, or at least my deeply-felt thanks. And he was male. The salesperson in Tulsa was female, so you'd think she'd be a bit better informed about these things. Bewildered by the vast array of vibrators, I asked for her recommendation, and she was distinctly unenthusiastic. Unexcusable. If you're not carrying a VIBRATOR that you can get excited about, then you should obviously throw out your existing inventory (or put it on sale for 75% off and let your customers review it) and replace it with the Techno Rabbit.
Amusing side story about vibrators and credit card fraud: The first time I bought a vibrator, it was at a sex toy store in CT. This was my first purchase from such an establishment, and I had had problems with credit card fraud earlier that year, so my credit card reps were apparently thoughtfully keeping an eye on my account. I was living with my grandmother at the time, so they called her to tell her that they had some concerns about my account - namely, that they thought someone else had been using my card. Fortunately, they didn't give her the full details, although why they even told her that much is beyond me. She was an exceptionally nosy person, though, and often played the innocent old lady card :-) I had to call up my credit card company and thank them but politely assure them that, yes, I was the one who had bought the vibrator.
As you may know, the "rabbit" style vibrator is a very popular one. In addition to the obligatory vibrating shaft, rabbit vibrators also have a separately-powered attachment on the shaft that looks like two rabbit ears. This is used, obviously, for external stimulation (ahem).
For no apparent reason that I can think of, many of them also have these rotating beads about halfway up the shaft. This gives you the option of feeling as though you have inserted an electric mixer into your innards which you can run at different speeds, creating the illusion of having a wildly upset, er, stomach. No, thanks.
Anyway, my very first vibrator was the Techno Rabbit, of Sex and the City fame (Samantha's favorite, and for good reason). It was satisfactory in every way. The controls were at the base of the shaft, and you could increase speeds gradually through a wide range of speeds.
The Techno Rabbit was an $80 birthday present to myself. Although I thought we would grow old together, it was stolen after we had been together barely a year, under circumstances which I will not go into at this time. (Sob) I have been trying to find a replacement ever since.
My next vibrator was the Jack Rabbit, which was vastly inferior to the Techno Rabbit. Same basic setup, except that the controls were separate from the actual vibrator, so you had to handle two separate things at once, taxing the co-ordination. Eventually, some of the connecting wires developed a highly inconvenient short in them, and had to be held just so.
Unfortunately, the resident sex toy shop in Tulsa is rather limited and does not carry the Techno Rabbit. Instead, I now have the Rampant Rabbit, which is again vastly inferior to the Techno Rabbit. The controls are in the base; however, even though the packaging promises a variety of different speeds, it has two: high and low. Basically, this leads to extreme discomfort. You can't shift from low to high in one step, or you end up hurting yourself. Trust me. I leave it to your imagination. So I now have a vibrating companion reminiscent of a clumsy, inept, adolescent boyfriend. Clearly, this is no good. I'll keep trying to reach a compromise of some sort with the Rampant Rabbit, but I have the feeling that I will eventually have to track down my first love, the Techno Rabbit.
Unfortunately, you can't return these things.
Note to vibrator salespersons: You really need to be enthusiastic and informed about your product, people. I got the Techno Rabbit on the salesperson's recommendation, and he earned my steadfast devotion, or at least my deeply-felt thanks. And he was male. The salesperson in Tulsa was female, so you'd think she'd be a bit better informed about these things. Bewildered by the vast array of vibrators, I asked for her recommendation, and she was distinctly unenthusiastic. Unexcusable. If you're not carrying a VIBRATOR that you can get excited about, then you should obviously throw out your existing inventory (or put it on sale for 75% off and let your customers review it) and replace it with the Techno Rabbit.
Amusing side story about vibrators and credit card fraud: The first time I bought a vibrator, it was at a sex toy store in CT. This was my first purchase from such an establishment, and I had had problems with credit card fraud earlier that year, so my credit card reps were apparently thoughtfully keeping an eye on my account. I was living with my grandmother at the time, so they called her to tell her that they had some concerns about my account - namely, that they thought someone else had been using my card. Fortunately, they didn't give her the full details, although why they even told her that much is beyond me. She was an exceptionally nosy person, though, and often played the innocent old lady card :-) I had to call up my credit card company and thank them but politely assure them that, yes, I was the one who had bought the vibrator.
posted by jessica rabbit at 10:27 AM
1 Comments:
I've done that before, Merc, and that's how I ended up with the Jack Rabbit. I prefer to see these things in person, and discreetness doesn't particularly bother me.
The boxes at the sex toy shops are indisputably trashy, but I don't know that I'd call them mysterious, exactly. Maybe they need display items, like they have with blenders and such when you go to kitchenware.
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