Golfing, the evils of
Last Saturday night, I made a series of ill-tempered, slightly intoxicated, rather profane posts back and forth to myself on a message board. Since they are mildly amusing in retrospect, I will present the sequence as follows for your general entertainment (Note: the author behaved bitchily Saturday evening and has since been restored to good humor. She has also acquired one small, black, very bad kitty):
From: jessica rabbit (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 7:43 PM
Men are so fucking irritating sometimes.
Earlier this week Matt, I, and his boss are sitting around watching TV (I was watching Sex and the City, but apparently we had to watch baseball instead). Anyway, his boss starts talking about maybe going golfing on Saturday, and out to Flemings afterwards. Flemings is this really good steak place that I wouldn't mind going to, so I'm like, hmmm, maybe golf isn't such a bad idea if I get to go to Flemings afterwards. The next day, Matt informs me that he's going golfing on Saturday and says that I somehow agreed to this the night before. I'm like, not really, I thought we were going to discuss our plans for the weekend, but whatever. If I get to go to Flemings, I guess I'm okay with it.
Today Matt leaves at noon to go golfing. Tee times are delayed because of rain, so he's not getting back until 9:00 now. He never plays fucking 9 holes, which is reasonable - he always has to play the full 19 (18, plus the bar). Plus, he doesn't want to take me to Flemings now because he thinks it's too expensive. Well, fine. Should've mentioned this earlier.
So instead of going out with the girls this evening at 6 (because I thought I was going out with Matt tonight), I'm sitting around at home, waiting for him.
Fucker. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be single again.
I guess that would be fucked up, too, though.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:45 PM
And while I'm bitching about Matt, I'd like to add that he's all bent out of shape about hanging out with my work friends last night, saying I "owe him big". What the fuck for? I hang out with his work friends all the fucking time, and the one time he hangs out with mine it's this huge chore for him?
Bah.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:47 PM
I'm drinking some champagne to clear my mood. Maybe need another glass.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:49 PM
Fucker. Maybe I'll go down to Dallas next weekend. Obviously there's no fucking reason for me to hang around here.
Maybe I should call Bethany. Her man is out of town for the next 6 months...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:50 PM
Dude. The worst part of this is that he just got a new set of golf clubs and a new mountain bike. I'll be lucky to see him at all for the rest of the summer.
Or maybe just lucky not to see him.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:53 PM
What I need is a new vibrator and some good reading material. I already finished my most excellent book on serial killers. Maybe I need a new one.
Maybe I should go to the bookstore. Will spend too much money, though. Maybe if I limit myself to one book? On serial killers? Or maybe a Bridget-Jones-type of book. Would amuse me while at the same time bashing men and reminding me why being single sucks, too.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:54 PM
a new book would be cheaper than a new vibrator...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:56 PM
Can't believe we've been together for 6 years.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:57 PM
Plus, I'm out of champagne.
Have a muscat, though...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:16 PM
Muscat is delicious.
Even if Matt does get home, like, ever, what should I wear? When you're feeling bitchy (and I most definitely am), it's a good idea to try to look good. Matt likes boobs. Maybe should wear cleavage top. But cleavage top that is not too tight if will be having tasty, large dinner.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:17 PM
Besides, am not sure I will be having tasty, large dinner. And if so, where will dinner be? Have no idea. Thus, no idea what to wear. Will we be going out to bar afterwards? And will Matt's boss come with? Seems likely.
His wife and kids are in Massachusetts. So he gets to go golfing as much as he wants. Bastard.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:18 PM
Maybe should get offline in case Matt calls. But if he doesn't called, then will get annoyed waiting for him to call.
Will get offline and consider wardrobe.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:21 PM
If it were dark, Matt would be coming home, but it's not dark yet. Plus, he plays volleyball in the evenings, and hasn't been getting back until 9:30 lately. Can't play in the dark... Maybe it will get dark soon.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:22 PM
This is entirely pathetic. Obviously, Matt doesn't feel threatened by anyone else. Actually, he isn't. But still. If only had handy male friends to flirt with. Everyone's married down here.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:48 PM
Checked phone. No messages. Not dark yet.
Settled on dress. Very cute, but not too much cleavage.
Will sit with glass of muscat on couch and watch celebrity gossip.
From: jessica rabbit (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 7:43 PM
Men are so fucking irritating sometimes.
Earlier this week Matt, I, and his boss are sitting around watching TV (I was watching Sex and the City, but apparently we had to watch baseball instead). Anyway, his boss starts talking about maybe going golfing on Saturday, and out to Flemings afterwards. Flemings is this really good steak place that I wouldn't mind going to, so I'm like, hmmm, maybe golf isn't such a bad idea if I get to go to Flemings afterwards. The next day, Matt informs me that he's going golfing on Saturday and says that I somehow agreed to this the night before. I'm like, not really, I thought we were going to discuss our plans for the weekend, but whatever. If I get to go to Flemings, I guess I'm okay with it.
Today Matt leaves at noon to go golfing. Tee times are delayed because of rain, so he's not getting back until 9:00 now. He never plays fucking 9 holes, which is reasonable - he always has to play the full 19 (18, plus the bar). Plus, he doesn't want to take me to Flemings now because he thinks it's too expensive. Well, fine. Should've mentioned this earlier.
So instead of going out with the girls this evening at 6 (because I thought I was going out with Matt tonight), I'm sitting around at home, waiting for him.
Fucker. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be single again.
I guess that would be fucked up, too, though.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:45 PM
And while I'm bitching about Matt, I'd like to add that he's all bent out of shape about hanging out with my work friends last night, saying I "owe him big". What the fuck for? I hang out with his work friends all the fucking time, and the one time he hangs out with mine it's this huge chore for him?
Bah.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:47 PM
I'm drinking some champagne to clear my mood. Maybe need another glass.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:49 PM
Fucker. Maybe I'll go down to Dallas next weekend. Obviously there's no fucking reason for me to hang around here.
Maybe I should call Bethany. Her man is out of town for the next 6 months...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:50 PM
Dude. The worst part of this is that he just got a new set of golf clubs and a new mountain bike. I'll be lucky to see him at all for the rest of the summer.
Or maybe just lucky not to see him.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:53 PM
What I need is a new vibrator and some good reading material. I already finished my most excellent book on serial killers. Maybe I need a new one.
Maybe I should go to the bookstore. Will spend too much money, though. Maybe if I limit myself to one book? On serial killers? Or maybe a Bridget-Jones-type of book. Would amuse me while at the same time bashing men and reminding me why being single sucks, too.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:54 PM
a new book would be cheaper than a new vibrator...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:56 PM
Can't believe we've been together for 6 years.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 7:57 PM
Plus, I'm out of champagne.
Have a muscat, though...
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:16 PM
Muscat is delicious.
Even if Matt does get home, like, ever, what should I wear? When you're feeling bitchy (and I most definitely am), it's a good idea to try to look good. Matt likes boobs. Maybe should wear cleavage top. But cleavage top that is not too tight if will be having tasty, large dinner.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:17 PM
Besides, am not sure I will be having tasty, large dinner. And if so, where will dinner be? Have no idea. Thus, no idea what to wear. Will we be going out to bar afterwards? And will Matt's boss come with? Seems likely.
His wife and kids are in Massachusetts. So he gets to go golfing as much as he wants. Bastard.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:18 PM
Maybe should get offline in case Matt calls. But if he doesn't called, then will get annoyed waiting for him to call.
Will get offline and consider wardrobe.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:21 PM
If it were dark, Matt would be coming home, but it's not dark yet. Plus, he plays volleyball in the evenings, and hasn't been getting back until 9:30 lately. Can't play in the dark... Maybe it will get dark soon.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:22 PM
This is entirely pathetic. Obviously, Matt doesn't feel threatened by anyone else. Actually, he isn't. But still. If only had handy male friends to flirt with. Everyone's married down here.
From: jessica rabbit Sent: 6/11/2005 8:48 PM
Checked phone. No messages. Not dark yet.
Settled on dress. Very cute, but not too much cleavage.
Will sit with glass of muscat on couch and watch celebrity gossip.
posted by jessica rabbit at 12:14 PM
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