What Women Really Want

Last night I was wallowing in my alone-ness in the way a chick does when she's really enjoying her own company (no, this did not involve a vibrator, you pervs). I began with a glass of wine and some episodes of Law and Order alternating with CSI (I kicked over the glass and broke it when the phone rang, but fortunately not before I had finished the wine). Naturally, I couldn't drink without putting something in my stomach, so I heated up some banana bread and melted the butter on top of the slices just so that it was partly absorbed, but you could still bite into a little cold chunk of butter every now and then. When I finished I remembered the leftover half-blender full of strawberry margaritas still in the freezer, so I had a large glass of margarita. Then I started watching What Women Want. Partway through, I realized that I might need to have some more food, so I grated some cheddar onto a paper plate, grabbed some Peeps, and got some more wine, since you can't really eat cheese without wine. So I'd have enough cheese, I sliced some of the elderberry wine-flavored cheese I'd gotten from a winery a few weeks back.

By this time, the movie was in full swing, and getting pretty good. It was your average feel-good chick movie about a guy who only wants sex, is competitive, and by the end of the movie realizes that women are good and he is bad, and he reforms. It had me tearing up by the end and picking off little cheese gratings from my tank top.

After watching the movie, I realized that part of it was nagging me. According to the movie, what women want is companionship. It reinforces the stereotype that men want sex, and women want love. This stereotype is horrrible, since it allows women to feel superior and smug while at the same time giving men an excuse for doing all kinds of horrible things, mostly involving bachelor parties, cheating, and full-service massages, but also for not giving oral sex.

Now, we all know that what women really want is sex, and, more importantly, oral sex. Just like men. And I'm willing to give up my image of superiority to spread that message.